Marcus Misses the Mark

Dec. 27, 2007
Washington Post editorial writer Ruth Marcus has written a column that says so much about what is wrong with today's parenting, that it is hard to believe. Of course, she doesn't intend to say it. But her response to her daughters' telling her that actress Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant is, well, priceless. Jamie Lynn Spears is the 16-year-old sister of Britney. I only know this because my local newspaper has an article on Britney every single day, for some reason.
So anyway, Marcus' daughters, 10 and 12, tell her the latest news and Mom asks, "So what do you think the lesson is here?"
Her 10-year-old says it must be not to have sex until you get married. Oh, but no, that could not possibly be the lesson. Marcus even goes so far as to say - in her column - that abstinence before marriage would be a mistake. But she's not comfortable saying that to her children "because that conversation gets so complicated so quickly."
The reason for that is, she's wrong, of course. Historically, people have believed in abstinence before marriage. There are all kinds of practical reasons -- health, stability of family, importance of child-rearing.
Marcus says the Spears news is actually a welcome development because it reinforces to teen-agers the need to use birth control.
Gee, I'm sure that Jamie Lynn could've gotten access to birth control. But, as others have pointed out, teen-agers are about as good at remembering to take their birth control pills as they are at picking up their socks and doing all their chores.
Birth control hasn't done much to control unplanned pregnancy. In fact, out-of-wedlock births have increased dramatically since the U.S. Supreme Court in 1965 struck down state laws that made use of birth control by married couples illegal. The court made it legal for unmarried people to use contraception in 1972. In 1970, 10.7 percent of live births occurred to unmarried mothers; in 2001 33.5 percent of live births occurred to unmarried women, according to the Centers for Disease Control.
Simply put, The Pill has given the illusion of removing the consequences of sex. And that leads to a statistic cited by Ms. Marcus: more than 60 percent of high school seniors report having had sex at least once.
Ms. Marcus thinks she'll take her older daughter to an edgy movie about a teen-ager getting pregnant in high school to teach her that "it can happen to you."
It certainly can, as long as parents are afraid to tell kids the truth. Sex should be reserved for marriage for your own physical and emotional health, and that of your children.
When my kids ask me, I'll tell them the truth. My husband and I lived together before we were married, and it's not the best way to start a marriage. We are fortunate that our marriage has lasted, and it has benefited a great deal from our conversion to Catholicism nine years ago. I will encourage my kids to take things in the right order and to make sure they know their own minds and hearts before they make such a commitment, because that is what sex is whether we acknowledge it or not.
A better take on the whole issue of sexual activity and teens can be found in an interview with Dr. Meg Meeker, who has written the books: "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know" and "Epidemic: How Teen Sex is Killing our Kids." That interview can be found at zenit.org.